Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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