We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He passed out mid-signature
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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