my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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