shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
