Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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