im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize