I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Please, let me fuck your mom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
