I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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