Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
