My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
