I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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