my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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