so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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