Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize