Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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