He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
