There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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