Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
