she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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