so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
