I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
