I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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