im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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