I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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