I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
