Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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