So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
