i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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