you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
