As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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