Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
