He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
