I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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