i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
