you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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