Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
