Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize