Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
