I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's always time for handjobs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
