I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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