I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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