everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
