Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
