oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
