The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
