You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
