i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
