I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
