I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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