btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
