it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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