I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
4 words: hood of his car
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
