I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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