New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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