Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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