Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
