Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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