i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
