She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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