when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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