Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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