If that was your dad, he is hot
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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