He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
