You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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