i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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