What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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