We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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