a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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