how can u be prego again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
