If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
