1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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