the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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