I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
