So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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