Kiss
Puke
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
