im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
