I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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