weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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