Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
