I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
