eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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