Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we're making bets on your personal life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
