Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
